THIS IS LIZ HEATHER. My title

THIS IS LIZ HEATHER.

things i like & do not like.

(new posts every weekday at 12pm & 12am)

lizheather.com

Annoyance of the Day - Stop Signs on On-Ramps for Highways

Dear The City of New York,

CC: All other (moronic) cities who allow such practices as this.

You are a fine-ass city. Let it be known that I truly and whole-heartedly know that you’re a great city. One thing, though.

THIS (below).

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Why the fucking fuck are you allowing stop signs to be placed at the END of on-ramps for your beautiful New York City highways? What purpose does this serve? Are you aware that in a gzillion other cities this isn’t the norm? Did someone not inform you that there’s a better solution? That solution being, ya know, NO stop signs at all? Even a goddam YIELD sign would be something that I could accept (albeit begrudgingly, but still). Why are you trying to fuck with the people who live here and, God, the poor tourists who visit and must be subjected to these signs of absurdity? Are you unaware that on-ramps were meant to be used as acceleration ramps so that hard working Americans could move freely and with the flow of traffic by the time they reach the end of these ramps? What sick game are you trying to play?

You’re encouraging those angry New Yorker stereotypes! Is that what you want? Is that your real goal here? I must admit, that’s a pretty clever way to achieve said goal. You’re setting people up to fail with that stop sign. You want us to fail. You don’t want us driving on your precious streets and highways, you’re trying to weed us out. You’re trying to make us so fed up that we leave. I see what you’re doing. Oh, I’m onto you. 

Fix the fucking ramps.

Yours lovingly,

Liz

Lady Gaga

I used to have absolutely no opinion on Lady Gaga other than the fact that I fucking hated Poker Face. And that wasn’t even a jab at her, I just fucking HATED the song. Anyway, no opinion on her whatsoever. 

Then a few years ago, she stepped out wearing this outfit after a plethora of tabloids criticized her for gaining weight.

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Seeing her in this outfit made me like her. Maybe that’s a dumb reason to suddenly like a stranger, but that’s all it took for me to start having an opinion on her. Still no thoughts on her music at this point.

THAT opinion changed again after I recently saw her perform in Atlantic City. This woman? Fantastic. Forgive me for being THE LAST ONE TO KNOW, but I suppose it’s better late than never. I can’t describe what a fun show it was. I hadn’t heard even one song off her new album Artpop before seeing her and I was still just in awe of her. The entire setlist was great, her outfits were way too fun and magnetic to look at - she’s such a great performer. Even her between-songs banter was good! If you have a chance to see her on this tour, there’s no reason not to. I’ll still never like Poker Face, but this woman is incredible. 

You can check the rest of her tour dates here

Keep spare toothbrushes (that you can buy from the dollar store) in your home for impromptu overnight guests. Classy as hell to have a spare toothbrush for someone.

—#lizadvice

The Singapore Sling at Momofuku Noodle Bar

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DRINK THIS DRINK. That’s really all I need to say about it. I’d put off going to Momofuku Noodle Bar for a few reasons:

  1. I already have a Momofuku installation that I frequent and love - do I really need another?
  2. They’ve obtained a grade B on their health inspection (unless that has changed recently?)
  3. I don’t really get ramen.

I managed to ignore all of those valid points when a friend of mine came to town and really wanted to go. I can be persuaded into pretty much anything, sometimes. 

Anyway, the noodles here? Good. Nothing to write home about. But the Singapore Sling? It’s frozen and man oh man. Best thing they’ve got. 

Big Gay Ice Cream Shop

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I finally got around to trying some Big Gay soft-serve ice cream and it was fantastic. Not crazy melty (like a typical Mister or Master Softee cone) and I somehow didn’t end up with a huge mess once I was finished. 

People have been telling me to try these guys for awhile now. They used to only have a truck that went around Manhattan, but they’ve got two storefronts now in the East and West Village, so if you find yourself infront of one - definitely give it a try. (They also have locations in Los Angeles and Philadelphia.)

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The Salty Pimp, before (above)

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The Salty Pimp, after (above)

I know it’s gross and unhygienic, but I always wish I could re-dip my cone after I eat all of the dipped chocolate part off. If I ever make a lot of money, I’ll buy my own damn at-home dipper and re-dip until I’m dead. God, that’ll be the best.

To see a list of their fun flavours, go on over here

Illustration by Andrew Hamm

Illustration by Andrew Hamm

Michael Jackson

—Street Walker

Say what you want, I really miss this man. It’s insane that it’s been five years since he passed away. I took this photo in Soho a few days after he died and I remember cars along every street just blasting his songs for the rest of that week. Anyway, there won’t be a June 25th when I don’t think of this man, so here’s a song of his I love. 

Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.

—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I feel like I’m always telling you what to do with butter. And I guess I will continue to do so.

Old Navy Has a (Free) Flip Flop Vending Machine

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Old Navy has these flip flop vending machines all around the New York City this summer - why? Who knows. But it’s a fantastic idea for women who get sick of wearing heels over the course of a long day and want some solace. You can follow them on Twitter to find the locations - all you have to do to get a free pair is to tweet at them. Fun idea. Even when this promotion is done, can someone please get started on having machines like this available near every club and bar in the city? 

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